Absence makes the heart grow fonder?!?!?!?!
'Ello to all,
This is a statement that is well known by all! However I have to say that I completely disagree with the statement. I see minimal truth in it. Before I put forward my argument I would just like to remind you all, I am ready to be persuaded otherwise, this is just something that has bothered me for a while and only my views on it.
I have found that absence does not necessarily make the heart grow fonder. Doesn't it make you think about that less? For me for example say that I become good friends with someone... While I am good friends with them and see them a lot I am very fond of them and our friendship becomes closer.
My friend I made last year, we became extremely close within a very short period. It was like we were inseperable. Then I went for a holiday during the summer break.Not once did I ever think that as I have not seen her for a long time, I really really miss her. Of course I did miss her. But I felt closer and hence fonder of her when I saw her more often.
I thinking seeing someone more often is the only way of becoming closer, in other words growing fonder of them. This year this has become more and more apparent. With new friendship forming and others drifting, this has been the common trend. The more I saw of a person, the more I got to know them the fonder I grew of them. In the case of some people when I had not seen them for a while I was even wondering how I became such close friends with them. It had the completely adverse effect as the statement mentioned above.
Furthermore, I do not see this statement being applicable in any case whatsoever. Exams as an example. Do you ever feel that you have not had exams for a while and you want to have them? I think not. If you do... ummm... you are definitely one of a kind! Hats off!
Even with going somewhere which provided an extremely enjoyable experience... Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Of course you think of the times that you had there and wish that you could go there once again... But do you think that you become fonder of that place just because you are away from it? Of course not, it is the memories and the experience of the place that you had whilst you were there that makes it special and makes you grow fond of it.
For me the case even with my closest friends, if I am away from them, no doubt I think about them. I do not become any closer to them or grow fonder of them because I am away. I remember the memories and am content with that. When I see them after a long break or what not I am extremely happy, not because my heart grew fonder during the absence but because I get to be with them once again and share new experiences with them and grow fonder... whilst no longer being absent. Also other distractions were there to make me forget the absence... So whilst the absence was apparent there were ways of not really realising it, suggesting that it does not necessarily make heart grow fonder. Did tht make sense????
When it comes to the "passing away" of a loved one, it is not necessarily the case where absence makes the heart grow fonder. Of course absence can make you remember and wish to have the person back. But at the same time, as the time goes by the wounds heal... If not completely at least partially. The time where you face most trauma from their absence is after it has occured immediately. It takes time for people to get over the shock and the loss. Also once again it is not the absence that makes the heart fonder of that person it is the experience that you have shared with that person.
Finally after all my ranting and raving... I would just like to say... I do not think it is absence that makes the heart grow fonder... It is more the experiences and the growing of the times in which you, experience the experiences, that makes the heart grow fonder. So why is the statement, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" still there? Or is it just me that feels this way about it?
LOL.... Sorry if the writing was not coherent. Do not mind any mistakes or errors. It is my views just "plonked" onto the keyboard and then onto the screen by this wonderous technololgy!
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posted by PreethZzZ The Original @ 4:57 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I strongly disagree with u, my lady.. :-)
Well, even though i'm an electronics/commn engr., an MBA studnt, i've always loved the field of Psychology.. and i'll explain this too in tht way.. :-)You got the ques and u've provided the answer too...
Lets take a hypothetical situation, that there is no absence in a relationship, i.e, when we meet a person, we never ever leave the person even for a minute!Does that mean tht we jus think of the present and never of the past??
How do u characterize the thought process during a period of absence? We don have anything to think abt the present (in tht relationship) but only the past. our thoughts go back, relate it to the past events, relish them again and again, suddenly we feel that we miss tht person, we want him/her back.
lemme put it this way, what if there is no time to think back. when ur life is full of busy events tht u don have time to think back. y do u feel tired then? y do u think tht u need to sit back, take time and relax. its bcos, our mind cant take continuous inputs reg work, love or anything.
our mind classifies favourable events and unfavourable events... some we want to relish them again and some we want to avoid unconsiously, cos our mind resists something that makes us feel bad, like exams for example. Current exam process can be changed to take the stressful effect off it and then we ourself would find attending exams as very enjoyable. Its all in the mind and the perceptions...
Absence indeed make the heart grow fonder (Or to generalise we can say, makes a difference!) Absence relates to the subconcious mind. we may 'feel' fonder while we are with tht close person... but absence and the thought process during the absence is a STIMULANT!
Hence i lay down my argument in this case... :-) Phew! it would have made a post in my blog! Quite a long comment... its u who got me into this topic.. i'd blame u only.. LOL..
PS: Thanks for blogrolling me.. am doin the same.. :-)
LOl, yep cld've easily made a blog. I'm no psychologist either but wanted to be! Blogs are our chance! ;)
I still stand with what I have said, of course we relish thoughts and what not. But in the first place what brought those involved were the experiences in the past. We do not feel any fonder for them then we did at that stage. It may very well be a stimulant making us realise the fondness that already exists sub-consciously within us.
I didn't understand ur thinking back analogy... Our sub-conscious mind is always working (accrd to me at least) and thts wht stores details about our life's roller coaster!
Mini blog for me too! My turn to blame you! But I guess in the end the blame lies on me...But shhhh, tht doesn't matter! ;)
may be u are more happy go lucky- living too much in the present! which is good at times.
may be its proximity love you were talking about- you grow fond of those physically close and the lesser unfortunate mortals wear off your mind by being away ;)
absolutely ok.... I'd say personal choices
Hahaha sweetu,
proximity love... hmm thts a new concept to me! Its not like tht at all. Of course I do still feel fond of them, but it does not grow further whilst in their absence. I think I have learnt to live in the present, thts probably wht this attitude comes with.
hi preethi,
thts a very nice n differnt topic too,...
i do agreee with u...but not fully.. v cant jus generalise everybody in our lives into one category...
we obviously do not get fond of evryone, once we get separated..(think of all the school frnds from kinder garden..surely v r not having contact with every other person)
but this saying means we will "realise" a person's affection which we had "failed" to realise previously...in my opinion dis would be appropriate explanation of this saying..
i'm an example myself...i hav jus become a hosteller...i miss my mom...i realise now tht some of the precious moments were spent quarrelling with her previously...
its not tht i've grown fonder of her...it makes me realise my love for her which i had not realised myself before...
i think the same wud apply for all other close relations including friends..
another example ( frm my recent exp), sometimes we don think we r close with some ppl, we don miss them wen we r apart, we don even think of them ...but wen v "do" meet them one fine day, (sometimes)u'll feel happy at once suddenly..it wud be even surprising why i'm happy wen meeting a person abt whom i had least thought of...
but thts the way it is...v tend to realise many things from such separations which v wud not hav otherwise...
hey by the way,
i'm blogrolling u...:-)
Love is something that is just a feeling. And wherever u r, close or far, or see them or hear them or not both, u can never forget them. Love will always increase with time. I guess thats wht they mean when they say the heart grows fonder. On the other hand, u get sick of people more easily when u r near them all the time. But it doesnt mean u dont love them. I dont want it to make another mini-blog, so all I will say is that presence or absence, the heart will grow fonder if u love tht person.
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